So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
