she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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