No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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