Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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