Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
