you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
