my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
