How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
