So drunk its hurt
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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