he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
