It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
