I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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