good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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