im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
