why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
