you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
