I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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