4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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