may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
