Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
