Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
