I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
