I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
