Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
