And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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