i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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