You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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