the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
