Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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