She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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