I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
