There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You ruined the universe
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
