Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
