i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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