If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
