i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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