Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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