Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
