oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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