what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
