one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
