Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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