I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
