good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just gift wrapped bread.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
