swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
