i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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