I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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