used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
