i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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