okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
