I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
