I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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