dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
