Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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